My Companion Only Ever Focuses On Her Own Life: Should I Cut Her Off?

We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her friends drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, likely grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many of her friends vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday to a country I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought validation of her choices. I have ended a month in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining how things go when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. Step two involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Emotions are valid, of course. Finally is to ask how you are both going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Remember that she also has her own side, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

Closing Considerations

She could ignore everything, since certain individuals have a deep-seated story: they maintain a version of their life they cannot let go of since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out like this and then think on your words. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you closure from having been truthful.